Pig

I give to you a conversation about a pet pig in eleventy-one words...

The two older women ate their breakfast in a café overlooking Alki beach.

‘My sister bought a pig.’

‘A pig?’

‘Yes, a pot-bellied pig.’

‘Why?’

‘I think she’s going to eat it.’

‘She bought a pig to eat it?’

‘That’s what she did with the rabbits.’

‘She had rabbits?’

‘Yeah, she raised them and ate them.’

‘How did she kill them?’

‘She brought them to a butcher, I think.’

‘That’s strange.’

‘I know… She has a dog and a parrot too.’

‘So she has a pig, a dog, and a parrot?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Is she going to eat the dog and parrot too?’

‘I don’t think so. Gee, I sure hope not.’

Justice

I give to you a story in eleventy-one words...

She saw the aggressive driver tailgating. When the tailgatee moved, he accelerated towards the exit. But she switched lanes, forcing him to slow considerably. She smiled, convinced that she had exacted justice.

As they exited, he swerved into the left lane, while she remained in the right. They were adjacent when they came to the merge. She signaled and inched in front of him, expecting that he would yield. He didn’t. The cars collided causing his mirror to break. She hit the gas. ‘Stop!’ he yelled. She drove through the next light, leaving him far behind. She took a series of turns. He hadn’t followed. She sighed, relieved at her escape.

Fun

I give to you a true story in eleventy-one words...

I sat, writing in Washington Square Park.  A young black woman with bright red hair and unfocused eyes sat beside me.

‘Hi,’ she said.

‘Hi’

‘Do you want sangria?’

‘No thanks’

She took a swig. ‘A cigarette?’

‘No’

‘Is that your diary?’

‘Of sorts’

‘Do you have a girlfriend?’

‘No’

‘Why not? You’re attractive, smart, ambitious.’

‘I’m not looking.’

She paused, glanced around conspiratorially, and half-whispered ‘Do you want to have some fun?’

‘No thank you.’

I packed my bag and stood.

‘Aww, where are you going?’

I thought it best not to say, far away from you. ‘I have to be somewhere. Have a good day.’

‘Okay, well bye then.’

The Talent

I give to you a story in eleventy-one words...

I discovered the ‘talent’ when I was young.

My parents booked a cabin in New Hampshire for our vacation. One day, my father and I walked down the main road until we came to a path. Being the semi-adventurous sort, we entered. Soon we found a small cemetery plot full of worn gravestones. I moved to clean one off. When I did, I saw a life flash before my eyes. But it wasn’t my own. It was the life of him buried beneath the stone. What struck me was this hadn’t happened when I had touched other gravestones.  

I later learned it only occurs with those whose lives have been forgotten.

Dunes

I give to you a true story from this weekend's Fire Island volleyball tournament in two times eleventy-one words...

‘Can you read the sign that says stay off the dunes?’ the volunteer asked through his megaphone. ‘Then why are you in the dunes? Your team forfeits a game.’

Our team thought it a joke. It wasn’t.

We had played six games to determine seeding for the single elimination round. Was it one of those six? Or was it the elimination game, meaning our day was over? We thought it the latter. Our team complained. We spoke angry words. Draconian. Stupid. Unfair.

Another captain came to speak with us. ‘You won’t forfeit the game,’ he said. ‘You just have to win by sixteen.’ We had a handicap. But we had hope.

We entered the elimination round as the fourth seed of eight. We were focused, determined. And from the first serve, I knew we’d win. But would it be enough? At fourteen seven, maybe. At twenty twelve, doubtful. Then came their fifteenth point. We lost, playing our best volleyball of the day.

After the game, I checked with the opposing captain who knew nothing of our handicap. So, I ran to the volunteer. He indicated that the forfeit had been assessed for the seeding, not for elimination. We hadn’t lost; there was hope.

Four lessons learned. Teams need a common purpose. There’s always hope. Never assume. And stay off the friggin dunes!

Almond Eyes

I give to you a witnessed interaction in eleventy-one words...

They exit the bank one after the other onto the corner. She pauses to adjust her headscarf. He sees his chance and softly touches her on the shoulder. She turns and looks at him with beautifully almond shaped, brown eyes.

‘Hi, I couldn’t help but notice how beautiful you are.’

She smiles. ‘Thank you.’

A brief pause ensues as they consider each other.

‘Would you like to get a coffee or drink?’

‘That’s very sweet, but I’m leaving for home tomorrow.’

‘Oh.’ He looks down. In that instant, he uncharacteristically decides to muster his courage. He looks up again and says, ‘I don’t mind if you don’t.’

Her smile grows wider.

Solutioning

I give to you a corporate conversation in eleventy-one words...

‘Please revert back to me about the solutioning exercise.’

‘Huh?’

‘Revert to me about the solutioning exercise.’

‘What does that mean?’

‘Just what I said.’

‘So, you want me to transform back into you while I do an exercise around “solutioning”?’

‘You know what I mean.’

‘I don’t.’

‘Get back to me when you have some solutions to the problem.’

‘Why don’t you just say that?’

‘I did.’

‘No, you asked me to become you innately at some time in the past.’

‘You’re being pedantic. Words evolve.’

‘I understand word evolution. I’m tired of corporate speak. Say what you mean in plain English.’

‘It is what it is.’

‘No shit, Sherlock.’